I have just driven home from town in tears. Jordan decided to kick off in phone4u while I was upgrading my phone. I thought I had done everything right, I had warned him where we were going, I let him take his toy car in his pocket, and I went to to WHSmith before hand to buy him some stickers for his sticker book that he could have after the phone shop. Both Jordan and Brooke were told that we would take a trip to the cake shop too.
So there I was in phones4u, and Jordan kicks off. No trigger identified, which makes bringing it down that bit harder. I do the usual ‘be good come sit with me, look what I have’ distraction technique, to which he gets worse and worse. I end having to carry him out of the phone shop, kicking and screaming, because he now hates the world and wants to ‘blow it up’.
I sit him down on a bench and he tries to run off, so I grab his arm and try to make it look like I can control the very strong 8 years and 9 months old boy in front of me. He then tried to bash his head on the wall, and I have to restrain him. At this point, there is no turning back. It has blown up to the point where nothing will bring him back round.A man comes over and tells me my restraining techniques are awesome and asks if I do self defence.
So I head back to the car restraining Jordan, or at least trying to. While I rummage around in my handbag to find my car key, Jordan sees a break for freedom to hurt himself. He chucks himself in the road, which results in me dropping my hand bag spilling the contents everywhere.
I struggle to pick him up from the concrete floor where he is desperately to inflict himself with any pain he can, I manage to get him off the road and he smacks me full on in the face, but the look of shock on his face of what he has just done stops him for a split second and it gives me the chance to open the car door and get him inside.
All this time, my 6 year old daughter Brooke is just following me, thinking that this is the most natural thing in the world.
I get in the car and drive off, knowing the motion of the car will calm him down. Then the tears start to stream down my face. But why am I crying?? Is it because i know my 8 year old is getting bigger and stronger and there is going to come a day real soon where I can’t restrain him, or is because I feel like a failure of a mum for not realising the kick off before it happened and didn’t diffuse it as well as I could of? Probably both to be honest. Maybe its because I know he doesn’t mean it, and that inside he is the most loveable boy that just can’t deal with things very well. Either way, I am now in tears again and Jordan is now looking at me with sadness in his eyes saying he is ‘sorry in his head’