After attending Blog On last weekend, and being so inspired to start writing for me again, I was stuck at the thought of what I could even write about. In person I am a real over-sharer, but online it feels so different to put stuff out there that could be judged, I am not a confident person online. I have always been super careful what I put out there, but maybe that’s why I need a change…I like to think I am confident in real life, so maybe I need to put some of that confidence out there in writing too.
So what is real life parenting like with four children? Well my whole life is probably a mash up of crap parenting choices but as kids don’t come with a instruction booklet, we are all just winging it and hoping for the best…well I am anyway.
But this morning, just as you think you’ve cracked the parenting… the kids are dressed,they have their bags and even have their teeth brushed without hysterical screaming…maybe I was even feeling a little smug that it had all gone well,I should of known better than to be complacent, if 15 years of parenting has taught me anything, it’s that anything can change in about 0.2 seconds. The sh*t storm comes in quicker than my eldest getting upstairs to his Xbox.
And what caused this shit storm? There was an ultimate show down on the school bus. My youngest two get a little mini bus to their primary school everyday, as we live so remote there is no safe walking route to school. As the door to the bus opens, it’s a free for all to grab a seat, no one wants to sit next to each other and with only 4 single seats, it’s a bundle to bag a decent seat, one where you don’t have to be sociable (hello aspergers).
So my 5 year old, who hasn’t quite got the idea of pushing her way through the bundle of primary age kids, she usually ends up being pushed to the back as tries to find a gap to get on the bus. But this morning she saw the seat she wanted. She was almost there, inches away from her bottom, but my 8 year old decided to plonk his bottom on it. Cue two screaming hysterical kids. So there I was in that moment of thinking who do I let have the seat? Emma and Mark both have Autism, they both knew that was the seat they wanted but both are stubborn and won’t relent, especially when it comes to something as important as a seat on the bus. But I had to do something, so my immediate though was who would get over it the quickest. Mark is a quiet soul, whereas Emma is the complete opposite. I knew that Mark would get over it in a few hours if was to steal that seat from underneath him. Whereas Emma would dwell on it for about a week, day and night, and would probably come and wake me up at 2am to remind me that it was her seat and what a mean mummy I am…
So I made Mark sit elsewhere. He cried, I almost cried that I am a shit mum, but Emma stopped crying, so it was a slight win. Mark wouldn’t even look at me, I had wrecked his life in that small moment and I felt awful for it. And this is the reality of having more than one child, the reality that sometimes you do have to choose which child to fall out with over keeping another happy, and that sucks. But there’s just one of me, four of them and I am massively out numbered. Sometimes you just have to take a stab in the dark and hope that the fall out gets forgotten…
This week I am joining in with the #itsok linky, my first joining in with a linky on this blog!